The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.
Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
Broadway is a main artery of New York life - the hardened artery.
Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.
It's a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.
Nothing recedes like success.
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.
Too many people expect wonders from democracy, when the most wonderful thing of all is just having it.
Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.
We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.
Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.
A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air.
Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated out of a million dollars.
He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.
A certain columnist has been banned from all Shubert openings. Now he can wait three days and go to their closings.
The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.
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