The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.
Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.
Broadway is a main artery of New York life - the hardened artery.
It's a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.
Nothing recedes like success.
The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.
Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.
We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.
I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.
The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.
I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.
The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.
Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well.
America - love it or leave it.
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.
Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.
A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air.
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