The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.
Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.
We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
Broadway is a main artery of New York life - the hardened artery.
Nothing recedes like success.
Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.
It's a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.
The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.
Too many people expect wonders from democracy, when the most wonderful thing of all is just having it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated out of a million dollars.
He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.
A certain columnist has been banned from all Shubert openings. Now he can wait three days and go to their closings.
The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.
I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.
The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.
Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well.
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