Merrill Markoe Quotes

Quotes about:

• I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

  Merrill Markoe

  Dog, Sadness, Ceilings

  Merrill Markoe (1992). “What the Dogs Have Taught Me: And Other Amazing Things I've Learned”, Viking Press

  51 Copy quote

• I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because there’s so many socially acceptable ways to exhibit a pathological lack of empathy.

  Merrill Markoe

  Thinking, Empathy, Way

  19 Copy quote

• I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kids learn their lessons about mortality from watching Grandpa kick? Then at least the dog would be around to comfort them.

  Merrill Markoe

  Dog, Kids, Grandpa

  Merrill Markoe (2006). “Walking in Circles Before Lying Down: A Novel”, p.208, Villard

  5 Copy quote

• Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

  Merrill Markoe

  Real, Men, Want

  Merrill Markoe (1994). “How to be Hap-hap-happy Like Me”, Viking Press

  10 Copy quote

• You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

  Merrill Markoe

  Dog, Cookies, Might

  8 Copy quote

• Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

  Merrill Markoe

  Men, Firsts, First Date

  12 Copy quote

• whenever I encountered a slide show titled 'Eight Diet Foods That Pack on the Pounds' or 'Celebrity Fashion Fails,' I'd have to stop and investigate because hey, it might be information I'd need in some unforeseeable future where I had become, for some reason, a fat celebrity.

  Merrill Markoe

  Fashion, Eight, Might

  7 Copy quote

• The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

  Merrill Markoe

  Two, Important, Divided

  Merrill Markoe (1992). “What the Dogs Have Taught Me: And Other Amazing Things I've Learned”, Viking Press

  6 Copy quote

• Here’s what I learned: First thing in the morning, before I have drowned myself in coffee, while I still have that sleepy brain I used to believe was useless — that is the best brain for creative writing. Words come pouring out easily while my head still feels as if it is full of ground fog, wrapped in flannel and gauze, and surrounded by a hive of humming, velvety sleep bees.

  Merrill Markoe

  Morning, Coffee, Believe

  10 Copy quote

• Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

  Merrill Markoe

  Nightmare, Moments, Complete Happiness

  7 Copy quote

• I have learned that the stuff that causes me anxiety, the stuff I instinctively veer away from, is usually a road map to where my own creative growth can be found. So I consciously head toward the places that make me uncomfortable.

  Merrill Markoe

  Anxiety, Creative, Growth

  Interview with AVC, www.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

  Merrill Markoe

  Country, Opportunity, Facts

  9 Copy quote

• Beware the cute, hot guy who kind of reminds you of the parent you don't get along with: your cold, distant father who left when you were a kid or your hot-tempered mother whom you could never please.

  Merrill Markoe

  Cute, Mother, Father

  8 Copy quote

• Since - in my belief system - we each get only one go-round here on planet Earth, it is the task of the writer to interpret, examine, and reflect on the specifics of their one and only life experience.

  Merrill Markoe

  Tasks, Earth, Belief

  Interview with AVC, tv.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  7 Copy quote

• When anyone lacks self-awareness and doesn't recognize their transparencies, it's always funny.

  Merrill Markoe

  Self, Awareness, Transparency

  Interview with AVC, tv.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• The phrase "singular incredible life" seems to me that it applies more appropriately to Jane Goodall or David Attenborough, people I regard with awe and who stand for great humanism and knowledge.

  Merrill Markoe

  People, Phrases, Incredibles

  Interview with AVC, www.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• As you can imagine this is a very emotional moment for me because Dave promised me many times that I was the only woman he would ever cheat on.

  Merrill Markoe

  Emotional, Moments, Imagine

  "Q&A: The Comedy Writer Merrill Markoe" by Joyce Wadler, www.nytimes.com. October 26, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

  Merrill Markoe

  Work Out, Goal, Alive

  Interview with AVC, www.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  7 Copy quote

• Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that. Then there are some of us who, early on, see that that doesn't work. So we joke about it.

  Merrill Markoe

  Smile, Adorable, People

  13 Copy quote

• My dogs, the only creatures on the planet marked by my singular nurturing imprint, have all turned out to be rude and self-absorbed. In all likelihood, if they were children instead of dogs, I would have foisted more Charlie Sheens or Kardashians onto our crumbling culture.

  Merrill Markoe

  Dog, Children, Self

  7 Copy quote

• A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

  Merrill Markoe

  Sunset, Bars, Way

  Merrill Markoe (2011). “What the Dogs Have Taught Me: And Other Amazing Things I've Learned”, p.200, Villard

  8 Copy quote

• I think people figure out early in their lives what currency they can work in.

  Merrill Markoe

  Thinking, People, Figure Skating

  7 Copy quote

• Beware the old man in young guy's clothes. If he's over 35 and comes to pick you up looking as though he's headed for a skateboarding competition while you are dressed to go to a nice restaurant, this is not a good sign.

  Merrill Markoe

  Nice, Men, Clothes

  10 Copy quote

• I really enjoyed Merrill Markoe's Guide To Glamorous Living, which was a weird hybrid reality/sketch thing I wrote, directed, and hosted, with two male-model bimbos whom I made agree with everything I said.

  Merrill Markoe

  Reality, Two, Males

  Interview with AVC, www.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• Reality television is a scripted hyper-life that employs writers, but won't allow them to call themselves writers or join the union.

  Merrill Markoe

  Reality, Television, Unions

  Interview with AVC, www.avclub.com. November 1, 2011.

  4 Copy quote

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