Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Insects have their own point of view about civilization a man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.
Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
I once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
The trouble with the public is that there is too much of it; what we need in public is less quantity and more quality.
I suppose the human race is doing the best it can but hells bells thats only an explanation its not an excuse.
An optimist is the person who has never had any experience at all.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Nearly every night before I go to bed I ask myself, "Have I vibrated in tune with the Infinite today, or have I failed?
There is bound to be a certain amount of trouble running any country. If you are president, the trouble happens to you. But if you are a tyrant you can arrange things so that most of the trouble happens to other people.
Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.
When you can't have anything else, you can have virtue.
If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
A demagogue is a person with whom we disagree as to which gang should mismanage the country.
In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
Too many creatures both insects and humans estimate their own value by the amount of minor irritation they are able to cause to greater personalities than themselves.
You want to know whether I believe in ghosts? Of course I do not believe in them. If you had known as many of them as I have, you would not believe in them either.
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