Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
There is no strong beer, just weak men
Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
English? Who needs to spend time learning that? I'm never going to England!
There are times when the writers ask us to improvise. Sometimes the animators are inspired by what you do, and sometimes you are inspired by what the animators do
It's the weirdest thing. When you go into acting, you expect to be a huge star and to be recognized... It did happen, but not in the way you expect it to... In L.A., I'm just another character actor
The Simpsons can go anywhere in the world and not worry about any budgetary issues. However, even when the show has had its run, I think the characters can go on in perpetuity
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.
The humor is essentially dark for a cartoon and sophisticated. But at the same time, being a cartoon gives the writers more freedom than in a normal sitcom. It always pushes the line that, despite human failings, the Simpsons are really decent people
The Simpsons take up so little time that I'm able to do other things as well
The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.
After years of doing it, you learn the difference between your ego and your opinion. When you're married you have to cut through that.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I always enjoyed writing. I did playlets in high school, I did radio shows in college. That's one of the reasons I went down to Second City, because you could do acting and writing.
I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.
It's hard to find a play that's right for me to do. Rather than waiting around for the right script to come along, I decided to write one myself
If I were actually Homer Simpson, I'd be getting scripts out the wazoo.
It is better to watch things then to do them.
If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
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