Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.
Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in
For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.
Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.
There is no such thing as a convincing argument, although every man thinks he has one.
A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.
There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.
People never have confidence in a Big Talker. They know his statements must be cut down, but they can never tell how much.
I try to have no plans the failure of which would greatly annoy me. Half the unhappiness in the world is due to the failure of plans which were never reasonable, and often impossible.
A thief believes everybody steals.
One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.
The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.
People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.
Some people never have anything except ideals.
When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.
Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.
To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.
The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers, and tax those who behave: government does little for fairly respectable people except annoy them.
When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.
There is something in the red of a raspberry pie that looks as good to a man as the red in a sheep looks to a wolf.
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