A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.
Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'
Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.
Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.
I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.
Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.
Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'
Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.
California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'
There has been no electricity in Baghdad for a week and the people are angry. You would be angry too if you couldn't watch your brand new stolen TV.
This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.'
Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.
John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.
John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.
Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.
President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'
There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'
The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.
You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, 'Is it regular or unleaded?'
On Sunday, the president flies to the Azores islands to attend a summit with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Aznar, and here's my prediction: Bush gets voted off.
Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.
George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17
Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.
Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.
President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.
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