It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.
There are whole years for which I hope I'll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi.
If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married?
Hot dogs always seem better out than at home; so do French-fried potatoes; so do your children.
A good executive is one who makes people contentedly settle for less than they meant to get, in return for more than they meant to give.
Self-confidence grows on trees, in other people's orchards.
Humiliation is a vast country of imprecise boundaries. If you think you're there, you are. The neurotic rule: when in doubt, go ahead and feel humiliated.
When their children fail to charm others, few parents can stay neutral.
Comfort, or revelation: God owes us one of these, but surely not both.
In youth we are plagued by desire; in later years, by the desire to feel desire.
People are like birds: on the wing, all beautiful; up close, all beady little eyes.
God is less careful than General Motors, for He floods the world with factory rejects.
At the beginning of a love affair, not even the neurotic is neurotic.
As we are human, we can't do what we can't do; as we're neurotic, we can't do what we can.
It took man thousands of years to put words down on paper, and his lawyers still wish he wouldn't.
The poor have the same basic pleasures as the rich, and the rich will always resent it.
Women go to beauty parlors for the unmussed look men hate.
An artist usually has no friends except other artists, and usually they do not like his work.
We work for praise, and dawdle once we have it.
The first two days of a vacation are endless; then it flies.
The first-rate mind is always curious, compassionate, original, and pessimistic.
A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.
Neurotics have plenty of non-neurotic friends, but not for long.
Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once.
At night, neurotics may toil not, but oh how they spin!
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