Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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