Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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