optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name- liver, the thing we live with.
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?
LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.
LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.
Doubt is the father of invention.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
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