The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
Honeymoons are the beginning of wisdom--but the beginning of wisdom is the end of romance.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.
A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.
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