To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
True Love can be no deeper than your capacity for friendship, no higher than your ideals, and no broader than the scope of your vision.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends