Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite -- everything seems so flat and tasteless.
It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.
A fool and her money are soon courted.
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