When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can pay her, and it's usually the last.
Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief.
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.
A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.
A man marries one woman to escape from many others, and then chases many others to forget he's married to one.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
Alas, why will a man spend months trying to hand over his liberty to a woman--and the rest of his life trying to get it back again?
Honeymoons are the beginning of wisdom--but the beginning of wisdom is the end of romance.
Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing - that's what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.
Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite -- everything seems so flat and tasteless.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman--a married man needs only an excuse.
Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
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