The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.
Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
Better a lively old epigram than a deadly new one.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
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