The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite -- everything seems so flat and tasteless.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.
And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.
To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.
Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.
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