Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -Calvin
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
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