Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -Calvin
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
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