Funny Christmas Quotes - Page 4

• T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

  Clement Clarke Moore

  Christmas, Night, House

  1822 The Night Before Christmas.

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• Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.

  Bess Streeter Aldrich

  Christmas, Song, Xmas

  Bess Streeter Aldrich (1985). “Journey Into Christmas and Other Stories”, p.207, U of Nebraska Press

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• As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.

  Donald E. Westlake

  Family, Christmas, Struggle

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• The earth has grown old with its burden of care, but at Christmas it always is young, the heart of the jewel burns lustrous and fair, and its soul full of music breaks the air, when the song of angels is sung.

  Phillips Brooks

  Christmas, Song, Xmas

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• 'Tis blessed to bestow, and yet,
  Could we bestow the gifts we get,
  And keep the ones we give away,
  How happy were our Christmas day!

  Carolyn Wells

  Christmas, Blessed, Giving

  Carolyn Wells (2016). “Childhood Essentials Library - Carolyn Wells Edition: 29 Novels & 150+ Poems, Stories, Fables & Charades for Children (Illustrated): Patty Fairfield Series, Marjorie Maynard Collection, Two Little Women Trilogy, Mother Goose's Menagerie, The Jingle Book, A Phenomenal Fauna, The Seven Ages of Childhood, Children of Our Town¦”, p.4002, e-artnow

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• There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

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• Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.

  Bing Crosby

  Christmas, Xmas, Blessed

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• Love the giver more than the gift.

  Brigham Young

  Love, Christmas, Meaningful

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• Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Christmas, Holiday, Cheesy

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• There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.

  Robert Staughton Lynd

  Christmas, People, Want

  "The Book of This and That". Book by Robert Staughton Lynd, 1915.

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• Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

  Douglas Coupland

  Birthday, Scary, Too Much

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• Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around.

  Bryan White

  Christmas, Years, Matter

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• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Gratitude, Children

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• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Christmas, Views

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• Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.

  Dale Evans

  Love, Marriage, Christmas

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• I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

  Kylie Minogue

  Travel, Holiday, Funny Holiday

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• The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Inspirational, New Year, Clever

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.138, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Don't let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.

  Taylor Caldwell

  Christmas, Holiday, Past

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Blessed

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• Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.

  Kate Langley Bosher

  Christmas, Lonely, Mind

  Kate Langley Bosher (2005). “How It Happened”, p.15, 1st World Publishing

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• Christmas day is a day of joy and charity. May God make you very rich in both.

  Phillips Brooks

  Christmas, Xmas, Joy

  Phillips Brooks, John Cotton Brooks (1910). “Sermons: Sermons for the principal festivals and fasts of the church year, ed. by Rev John Cotton Brooks”

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• Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.

  Terry Alderton

  Past, Years, Lasts

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• The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required."

  John Leo

  Government, Dumb, Three

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• Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

  Andy Borowitz

  Baby, Cute Christmas, Overboard

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Nov 27, 2012

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• Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

  John Cleese

  Christmas, Want, Calgary

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