Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.
Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.
The more you play it the less you know about it.
I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.
Golf is a better game played downhill.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
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