Secret Quotes - Page 16

• In a recent interview, Michelle Obama said that the Secret Service taught Malia how to drive. In exchange, Malia taught the Secret Service how to throw a party when her parents are away.

  Conan O'Brien

  Party, Parent, Interviews

  11 Copy quote

• Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent.

  Conan O'Brien

  Easter, Eggs, White

  10 Copy quote

• The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy.

  Conan O'Brien

  Drinking, White, House

  4 Copy quote

• President Obama has appointed a new head of the Secret Service. The new Secret Service director was so excited that he jumped over the White House fence for joy.

  Conan O'Brien

  White, House, Joy

  4 Copy quote

• The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.

  Conan O'Brien

  Past, White, Jumping

  4 Copy quote

• Right after the show tonight, I'm going to the New York City car show. You get to see the models that will be crashed next year by drunken Secret Service agents.

  David Letterman

  New York, Years, Cities

  4 Copy quote

• Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

  David Letterman

  Drinking, President, United States

  4 Copy quote

• St. Patrick's Day is the fourth biggest drinking day in America. It's not the biggest. It's right behind New Year's Eve, Fourth of July, or any Secret Service party.

  David Letterman

  New Year, Party, Drinking

  4 Copy quote

• Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary.

  David Letterman

  Drinking, White, Car

  9 Copy quote

• Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she's at hillary@pantsuit.com.

  David Letterman

  Apples, Email, Watches

  7 Copy quote

• President Obama broke a world record after he reached a million followers on Twitter in just five hours. The only guys not following Obama? His Secret Service agents. They lost track months ago.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Track, Guy, President

  4 Copy quote

• The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Garden, White, Rose

  4 Copy quote

• People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  People, Being Real, Promise

  4 Copy quote

• Despite Russia's move to raise interest rates this week, the value of the ruble has continued to crash. Russia's economy is so bad, Edward Snowden had to put government secrets on Craigslist.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Moving, Russia, Government

  4 Copy quote

• The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh, make the sidewalk lower?'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Ideas, White, House

  4 Copy quote

• President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It's a whole new Secret Service security thing.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Nice, Doors, White

  4 Copy quote

• Silence is no certain token that no secret grief is there;  Sorrow which is never spoken is the heaviest load to bear.

  Frances Ridley Havergal

  Grief, Silence, Sorrow

  Frances Ridley Havergal (1872). “The Ministry of Song”, p.63

  28 Copy quote

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• The secret of a person's success is discovered in their daily agenda.

  John C. Maxwell

  Agendas, Persons

  4 Copy quote

• Through years of secret work, scientific and basic ground work was laid, in order to be ready again to work the German Armed Forces at the appointed hour, without loss of time or experience.

  Gustav Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach

  Loss, Order, Years

  4 Copy quote

• Beyond the grave they will find nothing but death. But we shall keep the secret, and for their happiness we shall allure them with the reward of heaven and eternity.

  Fyodor Dostoevsky

  Heaven, Atheism, Rewards

  Fyodor Dostoevsky (1981). “Grand Inquisitor”, p.17, A&C Black

  7 Copy quote

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• Whatever you want you can get, when you understand the secret of will. But wisdom is needed so that you do not use your will abusively because you'll get hurt.

  Frederick Lenz

  Hurt, Buddhism, Use

  4 Copy quote

• Do people ever reflect, one wonders, that the best way to protect against the penetration of one's secrets by others is to have the minimum of secrets to conceal?

  George F. Kennan

  People, Atheism, Way

  14 Copy quote

• Three people can keep a secret as long as two of them are dead.

  G. Gordon Liddy

  Two, Long, People

  29 Copy quote

• We incline to think that God cannot explain His own secrets and that He would like a little information upon certain points Himself. We mortals astonish Him as much as He us. But it is this Being of the matter; there lies the knot with which we choke ourselves. As soon as you say Me, a God, a Nature, so soon you jump off from your stool and hang from the beam. Yes, that word is the hangman. Take God out of the dictionary, and you would have Him in the street.

  Herman Melville

  Lying, Thinking, Atheism

  Herman Melville (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Herman Melville (Illustrated)”, p.4889, Delphi Classics

  4 Copy quote

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• The press still considers me one of the most laid-back athletes since Babe Ruth. That's supposed to be a criticism, but I consider it a compliment because I think being carefree on the course is one of the secrets to scoring well consistently

  Fred Couples

  Athlete, Golf, Thinking

  17 Copy quote