Conan O'Brien Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq

  Conan O'Brien

  Iraq, White, House

• The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold.

  Conan O'Brien

  Funny, Horse, Winning

• I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Disappointment, Believe

  "Honorary Degree Recipient Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address to Dartmouth College Graduates". www.dartmouth.edu. 2011.

• President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.

  Conan O'Brien

  Baseball, Awkward, President

• Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have been jailed since March. Isn't that great? This is big, yeah. Or as Clinton calls it, another Asian happy ending.

  Conan O'Brien

  Two, President, Asian

• President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Library, Chicago

• This is official today. China has surpassed the U.S. and now has the No. 1 economy in the world. After hearing this, China's children asked, 'So now can we take a lunch break?'

  Conan O'Brien

  Children, Lunch Break, World

• Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.

  Conan O'Brien

  Running, Mean, President

• Today the Washington Post did an article; they compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. They did a comparison, mainly because 1932 was the first time John McCain ran for president.

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Today, Firsts

• Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

• The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.

  Conan O'Brien

  Home, Squares, Census Bureau

• Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.

  Conan O'Brien

  Kings, President, Middle East

• Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.

  Conan O'Brien

  Gay, Wife, Guy

  "Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel Joke About Donald Trump and NBC Parting Ways". www.hollywoodreporter.com. June 29, 2015.

• Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.

  Conan O'Brien

  Dog, President, Today

• There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The 'CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week.

  Conan O'Brien

  Usa, Two, News

  "56 days - Jake Tapper on what women want" by Mike Allen, www.politico.com. September 09, 2008.

• In a speech today, President Obama said that Michelle Obama is very strong and talented and she frequently tells him that he is wrong. As a result, Michelle Obama is now the Republican front-runner for 2016.

  Conan O'Brien

  Strong, President, Speech

• Arnold Schwarzenegger is in some trouble. Today, the Los Angeles Times broke a story that quoted six women who claimed that Arnold Schwarzenegger sexually harassed them. When asked about it, President Clinton said 'six? That's not enough experience to be governor.'

  Conan O'Brien

  President, Today, Six

• Gary Busey said on the Today Show yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.

  Conan O'Brien

  Yesterday, President, Needs

• President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.

  Conan O'Brien

  Marijuana, President, Portland

• The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC.

  Conan O'Brien

  Jobs, Winning, Pigs

• Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, 'Just keeping my options open. It's a dicey job market. You never know.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Buddhist, Jobs, Sri Lanka

• John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.

  Conan O'Brien

  Two, Wife, Trying

• It was reported today that U.S. military bases will not show 'Brokeback Mountain.' However, during interrogations, U.S. troops will continue to show 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Military, Brokeback Mountain, Troops

• Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.

  Conan O'Brien

  Crush, Jobs, College

  Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire, www.dartmouth.edu. June 12, 2011.

• Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Crazy, Abortion, Upset

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