Conan O'Brien Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq

  Conan O'Brien

  Iraq, White, House

• The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold.

  Conan O'Brien

  Funny, Horse, Winning

• I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Disappointment, Believe

  "Honorary Degree Recipient Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address to Dartmouth College Graduates". www.dartmouth.edu. 2011.

• President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.

  Conan O'Brien

  Hard Work, Order, Yesterday

• Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that's not fair.

  Conan O'Brien

  Husband, Years, Example

• Today's tragedy in Paris reminds us very viscerally that it's a right that some people are inexplicably forced to die for. So it's very important tonight that I express that everybody who works at our comedy show, all of us are terribly sad for the families and people of France and anybody in the world tonight who now has to think twice before making a joke. It's not the way it's supposed to be.

  Conan O'Brien

  Thinking, Paris, People

  "Jon Stewart on Paris Attack: "Comedy Shouldn't Be an Act of Courage" by Aaron Couch, www.hollywoodreporter.com. January 7, 2015.

• Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart.

  Conan O'Brien

  Stories, Trials, Today

• It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, 'Wait. You mean that wasn't lemon Tang?'

  Conan O'Brien

  Drinking, Mean, Space

• According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.

  Conan O'Brien

  Yes We Can, President, Today

  "American Morning" with John Roberts and Kiran Chetry, www.cnn.com. September 16, 2009.

• Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent.

  Conan O'Brien

  Easter, Eggs, White

• Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years.

  Conan O'Brien

  Government, Years, Two

• Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I am guilty and get back to thinking I am cold and arrogant.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Fighting, Thinking, Names

• A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'

  Conan O'Brien

  New York, Today, Towns

• President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.

  Conan O'Brien

  Baseball, Awkward, President

• Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have been jailed since March. Isn't that great? This is big, yeah. Or as Clinton calls it, another Asian happy ending.

  Conan O'Brien

  Two, President, Asian

• President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Library, Chicago

• This is official today. China has surpassed the U.S. and now has the No. 1 economy in the world. After hearing this, China's children asked, 'So now can we take a lunch break?'

  Conan O'Brien

  Children, Lunch Break, World

• Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.

  Conan O'Brien

  Running, Mean, President

• Today the Washington Post did an article; they compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. They did a comparison, mainly because 1932 was the first time John McCain ran for president.

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Today, Firsts

• Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

• The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.

  Conan O'Brien

  Home, Squares, Census Bureau

• Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.

  Conan O'Brien

  Kings, President, Middle East

• Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.

  Conan O'Brien

  Gay, Wife, Guy

  "Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel Joke About Donald Trump and NBC Parting Ways". www.hollywoodreporter.com. June 29, 2015.

• Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.

  Conan O'Brien

  Dog, President, Today

• There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The 'CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week.

  Conan O'Brien

  Usa, Two, News

  "56 days - Jake Tapper on what women want" by Mike Allen, www.politico.com. September 09, 2008.

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