Stephen Colbert Quotes - Page 5

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• And that brings us to tonight's word: Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word-police, the 'wordanistas' over at Websters, are gonna say, 'Hey, that's not a word!' Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen.

  Stephen Colbert

  Book, Police, Fans

  "Ice cream? Immigration? 12 ways Colbert kept truthiness alive" by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper, www.today.com. April 10, 2014.

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• Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

  Stephen Colbert

  Country, Mean, Perception

  Interview with Nathan Rabin, tv.avclub.com. January 25, 2006.

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• If you repeat it, it's true. If you repeat it, it's true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you?

  Stephen Colbert

  Needs, Facts, Enough

  "Stephen Colbert tells Jake Tapper: "I Gut Check My Show". "The Colbert Report" with Stephen Colbert, www.poynter.org. April 15, 2010.

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• Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

  Stephen Colbert

  Girl, School, Bangs

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• Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

  Stephen Colbert

  Kids, Discipline, Arbitrary

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• If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.

  Stephen Colbert

  Incentives, Corporations, Facts

  “Stephen Colbert must be stopped!” by Dean Obeidallah, www.cnn.com. February 22, 2012.

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• If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.

  Stephen Colbert

  Dimes, Broke, Ifs

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• There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Gay, Hell

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• Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.

  Stephen Colbert

  Monday, Believe, Home

  Stephen Colbert’s speech at the White House Correspondent's Association Dinner, www.democracynow.org. May 3, 2006.

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• America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

  Stephen Colbert

  Baby, Children, Father

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• If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

  Stephen Colbert

  Fall, Hard Times, Care

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• Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?

  Stephen Colbert

  School, Kids, Community

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• I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.

  Stephen Colbert

  Stars, Believe, Reality

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• As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.

  Stephen Colbert

  Reality, Bias, Knows

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• So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

  Stephen Colbert

  Food, Animal, Two

  "I Am America (And So Can You!)". Book by Stephen Colbert, 2007.

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• Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

  Stephen Colbert

  Opportunity, America, Poor

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• Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'

  Stephen Colbert

  Surprise, Bigs, Repeats

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• Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

  Stephen Colbert

  Class, People, Different

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• I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

  Stephen Colbert

  Government, Print

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• Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

  Stephen Colbert

  Hurt, Optimistic, Self

  "Stephen Colbert Commencement Address". Transcript of remarks to graduating seniors at Knox College, departments.knox.edu. June 2006.

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• Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.

  Stephen Colbert

  Religious, Jesus, Atheist

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• it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.

  Stephen Colbert

  Home, School, Where You Are

  Twitter post from Aug 20, 2009

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• As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

  Stephen Colbert

  Said

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• Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.

  Stephen Colbert

  Beta, Platypus, Stills

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• Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.

  Stephen Colbert

  Jesus, Pain, Names

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