Christopher Titus Quotes About Divorce

Quotes about: Divorce

• My mom was a manic depressive schizophrenic who, after a year in prison, went home and shot herself. My sister, Kirsten, an amazing poet, who was raised by this woman, and was dating a guy who broke up with her for the fourth time in three weeks. And one day, she came to his house, got a gun, and blew her brains out all over his headboard. I just went through a divorce, five years in court and cost me $2 million dollars. If anyone, by law, should be forced to take antidepressants it's me... But instead, I choose to be an antidepressant. And you can take me with alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Home, Divorce

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I lost 28 pounds in my divorce... because that's what a soul weighs.

  Christopher Titus

  Divorce, Soul, Pounds

  "Love is Evol". Stand-up comedy, 2009.

• My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Morning, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Divorce is just about change, you know. It's God saying, You need a change. And I'm going to make it so your bank account only has change.

  Christopher Titus

  Change, Divorce, Needs

• My parents' divorce settlement involved a bar tab.

  Christopher Titus

  Divorce, Parent, Bars

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Divorce, Thinking

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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