I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.
What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.
I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.
There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.
I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.
Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.
I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.
I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.
As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.
I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.
Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.
I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.
After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.
I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
I don't think I'm successful.
I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.
The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.
I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.
I am best viewed from a distance.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
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