The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level. Convince yourself before you go that the weather's going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You'll then be pleasantly surprised.
People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.
If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.
I've never been prudish.
The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.
I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.
I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.
Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.
I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.
I can't tan naturally.
I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.
I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.
I don't think I'm successful.
I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face
Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.
I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.
My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!
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