Kathleen Madigan Quotes

• I always give homeless people money, and my friends yell at me, 'He's only going to buy more alcohol and cigarettes.' And I'm thinking, 'Oh, like I wasn't?'

  Kathleen Madigan

  Thinking, People, Giving

  30 Copy quote

• I bowled for two years in college, because I was drunk and needed shoes.

  Kathleen Madigan

  College, Years, Shoes

  14 Copy quote

• The bus scares me. Way too many gross people on the bus. Sixty-five people on the bus and I was the last one on. I felt like calling Unsolved Mysteries. 'Yeah, I found everybody.

  Kathleen Madigan

  People, Scare, Calling

  23 Copy quote

• Kids? It's like living with homeless people. They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going, 'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!

  Kathleen Madigan

  Cute, Children, Kids

  23 Copy quote

• I don't have a computer. I'm going to wait until that whole fad is over. I was suckered in on the Pet Rock. Not twice, people.

  Kathleen Madigan

  Rocks, People, Waiting

  14 Copy quote

• I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.

  Kathleen Madigan

  Writing, Waiting, Stuff

  14 Copy quote

• I never have goals or dreams. My sister says it's pathetic and lazy, but I had a goal, to tell jokes to pay bills and not have to live in a trailer. So, I think I'm living my fantasy. I don't have another.

  Kathleen Madigan

  Dream, Thinking, Goal

  14 Copy quote

• People entertain me more than I entertain them.

  Kathleen Madigan

  People

  7 Copy quote

• I would like to be an FBI profiler. I'm fascinated with psychology, but I wouldn't want to deal with people and their problems in my office. I like to figure them out from afar, narrow a case down, figure it out, but it sounds like a lot of science.

  Kathleen Madigan

  People, Office, Psychology

  8 Copy quote

• Some people are mean, and when you look at their page, they only write mean things, but I have a great time with a twitter person. It's not even to promote myself, just to entertain me.

  Kathleen Madigan

  Writing, Mean, People

  "Kathleen Madigan brings comedy to Clearwater". Interview with Marisa Williams, www.thorisazviews.com. January 23, 2017.

  10 Copy quote

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin