Garry Shandling Quotes

Quotes about:

• I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?

  Garry Shandling

  Girl, Selfish, Thinking

  221 Copy quote

• I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

  Garry Shandling

  Mom, Loyalty, Looks

  106 Copy quote

• My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

  Garry Shandling

  Friendship, Love You, Funny Friend

  102 Copy quote

• Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

  Garry Shandling

  Positive, Nice, Guy

  "What I've Learned: Garry Shandling". www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  112 Copy quote

• I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part.

  Garry Shandling

  Dad, Nice, Writing

  54 Copy quote

• They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Men, Style

  67 Copy quote

• I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell

  Garry Shandling

  Good Life, Humorous, Mad

  49 Copy quote

• I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

  Garry Shandling

  Inspirational, Night, Fifteen

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  59 Copy quote

• After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  "Garry Shandling, Star of Groundbreaking Sitcoms, Dies at 66" by Peter Keepnews, www.nytimes.com. March 24, 2016.

  50 Copy quote

• When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Sleep, Legs

  137 Copy quote

• I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

  Garry Shandling

  Talking, Dating, Homeless

  52 Copy quote

• Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

  Garry Shandling

  Survival, Defense, Able

  60 Copy quote

• Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"

  Garry Shandling

  Marriage, Wife, Married

  49 Copy quote

• I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

  Garry Shandling

  Relationship, Mom, Looks

  52 Copy quote

• It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

  Garry Shandling

  Hair, Matter, Kind

  50 Copy quote

• Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

  Garry Shandling

  Hurt, Dating, Guy

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  53 Copy quote

• I don''t like this reality television, I have to be honest;I think real people should not be on television; It''s for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real

  Garry Shandling

  Real, Thinking, Special People

  39 Copy quote

• Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

  Garry Shandling

  Oysters, Performances

  8 Copy quote

• In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out.

  Garry Shandling

  Inspirational, Song, Years

  22 Copy quote

• Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?

  Garry Shandling

  Hiding Something, Names, Dr Phil

  "What I've Learned: Garry Shandling". www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  16 Copy quote

• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.

  Garry Shandling

  Single, Phones, People

  26 Copy quote

• My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Dog, Opportunity

  28 Copy quote

• I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts.

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Hair, Matter

  9 Copy quote

• I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

  Garry Shandling

  Party, Guy, Pumpkin

  7 Copy quote

• Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

  Garry Shandling

  Relationship, Commitment, Love Is

  17 Copy quote

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