The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
That putt had more breaks than a government job.
Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.
Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.
It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.
Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.
Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave.
Swing hard in case you hit it.
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.
Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
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