I was at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards one year - they called me up when somebody canceled two days before the thing, and asked me to present some awards. So I went, and one of the funniest film moments I've ever had was when they introduced the New York film critics. They all stood up - motley isn't the word for that group. Everybody had some sort of vision problem, some sort of damage - I had to bury myself in my napkin.
Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?"
The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.
We're creating a TV show of Scrooge, starring Jamie Farr, with Buddy Hackett as Scrooge. We're shooting in this Victorian set for weeks, and Hackett is pissed all the time, angry that he's not the center of attention, and finally we get to the scene where we've gotta shoot him at the window, saying, "Go get my boots," or whatever. The set is stocked with Victorian extras and little children in Oliver kind of outfits, and the director says, "All right, Bud - just give it whatever you want." And Hackett goes off on a rant. Unbelievably obscene.
I met a woman who photographed celebrity dogs for a book, and she told me that Ralph Lauren's dog is named Rugby. I said, Yeah, but his real name is Stickball.
I'd like [Santa Claus] to give Wes Anderson, the director, enough money in his next budget for an aerial shot - just a little copter shot. He really wanted this one helicopter shot, and Disney wouldn't give him the money. Just wouldn't give him the money. Every day, he was talking to the studio about this helicopter shot.
Totie Fields is one of my benchmarks for a lot of things. There was a standard of show business.
I'm not an ungenerous person; I don't resent it. It's just sort of a head-scratcher.
The first year I had money, I really went shopping. I got really caught up in it. I bought all my brothers sets of luggage, and I bought 'em winter coats from Giorgio Armani - winter coats. And I got a pair of socks from this brother.
[My brother] lived in a dry gulch where the world of socks and shoes became extremely fascinating, and he felt that everyone needs a good pair of socks, and why not limit his gift giving to something that everybody needs? He thought that there was something humorous about it. So he gives socks.
I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.
You're supposed to have one hand up and one hand down. As you're trying to going up, you're trying to pull someone up at the same time.
I've got kids and that's important. It's funny, you think that there's an expiration date on them and there just isn't.
I feel like I'm a better person when I'm quieter.
Everyone needs to take a vacation from the sort of automatic things you do.
The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.
I count on the kindness of strangers.
I lost my phone and I just really didn't look for it. It was the nicest feeling, like six weeks. ... A couple of times I needed to use a telephone, and I was always able to touch someone that had a telephone and say, "Hey, can I use your phone? May I please?" And they'd say, "Sure." And that was it! So it was OK, it was a real vacation. I took a real vacation from myself.
Afghanistan is just one of those countries that no group can conquer. It's so challenging to live, and the people are so close among their own tribes, their own groups, that you can't rule them all, you can't get an accord from all of them.
If people really want to find you, they find you.
I'm just a potato that won't quit. I'm a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I've got legs.
Morocco is the greatest. I should be getting money from the Moroccans because I'm just telling everyone that it's a wonderful place to go.
I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.
Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.
I didn't get into this position by being like a stiff sitting on the set in a folding chair. I did it by walking around on the streets and stirring things up.
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