P. J. O'Rourke Quotes - Page 18

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• Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Hippie, Gun, Past

  7 Copy quote

• There is that kind of happiness. There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Important, Love And Marriage, Kind

  "PJ O'Rourke - the rightwinger it's OK for lefties to like" by Paul Harris, www.theguardian.com. October 29, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This will show others how kind-hearted and loving you are and their improved opinion of you will be very comforting.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Death, Grief, Loving You

  P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

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• Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it's over.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, God, Humorous

  P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.37, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Self, Middle East, World

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• Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Lemmings, Cliffs, Republican

  "What's That Smell?". www.weeklystandard.com. October 23, 2006.

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• We have no one to blame for the Kennedys but ourselves. We took the Kennedys to heart of our own accord. And it is my opinion that we did it not because we respected them or thought what they proposed was good, but because they were pretty. We, the electorate, were smitten by this handsome, vivacious family. . . . We wanted to hug their golden tousled heads to our dumpy breasts.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Heart, Hug, Vivacious

  7 Copy quote

• Iran and Iraq have been at war for five years now. The traditional present for a fifth anniversary is wood. Here's a gift suggestion: a big stick to beat some goddamned sense into their
  heads.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  War, Iraq, Iran

  "Year in Review". Rolling Stone, December 19, 1985.

  4 Copy quote

• Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  "Republican Party Reptile". Bok by P. J. O'Rourke, 1987.

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• I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Humorous, Thinking

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.88, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Views, Rooms, Outsiders

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• This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Sailing, Green

  P. J. O'Rourke (1987). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, Pocket

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• The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Order, Land, Voice

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.15, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Fun, Clothes, People

  P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.465, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Vaccines, May, Rich

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• The Greenpeace booth at all the rock and roll shows nowadays are akin to the old sorcerers who used to stand in the middle of villages warning of danger, 'When night wolf swallows mother moon, there will be great famine.'

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Mother, Night, Moon

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• Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Mom, Mother, Children

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• The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Jobs, Ideas, Scary

  P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.41, Pan Macmillan

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• No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Answers, Way, Humour

  "PJ O'Rourke - the rightwinger it's OK for lefties to like". Interview with Paul Harris, www.theguardian.com. October 29, 2010.

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• Now for good or ill, California is the place where trends tend to be set in Western civilization - if civilization indeed it is. California, for several generations now, has been the newest, biggest, most experimental place in the newest, biggest, most experimental part of liberal Western capitalism - which is itself a new experiment for mankind.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Civilization, California, America

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• If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Humorous, Taken

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.15, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• [Friedrich] Hayek is not protesting that things like child labor and stuff are good. He's just trying to show that when government undertakes to make everything good for everybody, this is what happens. And he addresses it to socialists of all parties.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Children, Party, Government

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• As long as we are on firm moral ground, as long as we're caring about other people, these are legitimate worries. The minute that we start protecting our own interests in the name of these worries and saying, "Oh, we have to make sure that only Ford Motor Company manufactures cars, because we can't be sure that the cars in other countries are being made quite up to our point of view," we're economically off base, and, of course, we're moral hypocrites, too.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Country, Hypocrite, Caring

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• I went back to bumming around New York, writing freelance stuff for Car & Driver and such.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  New York, Writing, Car

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like a whole new world." Instead of writing Michael Jackson one-glove jokes, all I had to do was go to these weird places and keep my eyes and ears open.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Jesus, Writing, Eye

  Source: www.avclub.com

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