I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.
The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel.
Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.
A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one.
I'll have that one, please.
People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.
Every man is a potential genius until he does something.
She kissed her way into society. I don't like her. But don't misunderstand me: my dislike is purely platonic.
Cynicism is the humour of hatred
It depends on each and every one of me.
A charming fellow, and so clever: he models himself on me.
God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.
The national sport of England is obstacle-racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives in trying to dodge it.
A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
Cynicism is the humor of hatred.
When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.
Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want.
My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?
As far as I could discover, the notion that a play could succeed without any further help from the actor than a simple impersonation of his part never occurred to Tree.
A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.
He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.
Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.
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