Erma Bombeck Quotes About Mothers

Quotes about: Mothers

• It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mom, Mother

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.10, Open Road Media

• When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Retirement, Children

• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Summer, Mother, Hurt

• Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom and what time you would get home. ... I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, 'I stole this.' ... But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Children, Home

• My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mom, Mother

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.96, Fawcett

• I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Thinking, Knowing

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.183, Open Road Media

• Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Hands, Years

  "Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession".

• When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Mothers Day, Mom

• It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Children

• No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Running, Funny Christmas

• Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Memorable, Men

• No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mother, Children

• Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Years

• There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Fun, Water

• Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Children, Giving

• The term 'working mother' is redundant.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Term, Redundant

• Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Differences, Fame

• Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Brother, Bed

• The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Art, Sex

  Erma Bombeck (1996). “Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

• Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Mother, Dog

• I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Baby, Husband

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.167, Open Road Media

• Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Mother, Humorous

• Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Food, Words Of Wisdom

• Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, White

• You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Home, Boys

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