If I can't serve as a role model, let me serve as a warning.
I tried good taste, but the strain was too much for me.
Radical historians now the tell the story of Thanksgiving from the point of view of the turkey.
Regret leads to overeating and naps.
Anyone who feels like a fool has made a good beginning.
Aphorisms are not true or false, but pointed or flat.
If I want my time wasted, I'll waste it myself.
Health foods make promises that only the Second Coming could fulfill.
As I review my life, I feel I must have missed the point, either then or now.
A sure cure for boredom: fast until you are ravenous.
One eventually has enough even of oneself.
Living too long exacts a painful price.
Dieting is our last tie with asceticism.
The Simple Life is not a simple life.
Illusions are hazardous, and so are disillusions.
Alcohol postpones anxiety, then multiplies it.
The bathroom scale knows nothing of extenuating circumstances.
Contempt for others, like masturbation, is best as a secret pleasure.
Acknowledge your limitations or they will tyrannize over you.
I am interested in a hundred things, but only slightly.
My regimen is lust and avarice for exercise, gluttony and sloth for relaxation.
Sincerity guarantees nothing but itself.
Magic trick: to make people disappear, ask them to fulfill their promises.
To understand a literary style, consider what it omits.
In every death, a busy world comes to an end.
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