If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.
A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.
A man's idee in a card game is war
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.
The last man that makes a joke owns it.
What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.
The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
Even an Englishman was niver improved by bein' blown up.
Viceis a creature of such heejous mienthat th' more ye see it th' betther ye like it.
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