I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.
Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.
My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.
Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.
Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.
They aren't making mirrors like they use to.
I've had a man and I've had a woman, and there's got to be something better.
I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
Bette [Davis] and I are good friends. There's nothing I wouldn't say to her face - both of them.
I'm not childless, darling. I am childfree.
Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn't boring.
Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
If I were well behaved, I'd die of boredom.
In my lifetime I've been to bed with men, women, and odd pieces of furniture.
Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.
The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.
They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.
I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.
I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
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