So little time and so little to do.
I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them.
Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.
My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin.
A conductor should reconcile himself to the realization that regardless of his approach or temperament the eventual result is the same-the orchestra will hate him.
Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.
I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive.
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.
George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?
I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.
Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.
Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?
I am no more humble than my talents require.
When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
Ballet is the fairies' baseball.
Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower
I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.
[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.
I played an unsympathetic part -- myself.
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