Bill Maher Quotes - Page 18

Quotes about:

• Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'

  Bill Maher

  War, Thinking, Irs

  7 Copy quote

• Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors - I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this.

  Bill Maher

  Cutting, Opportunity, Style

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• Scientists say an 8.9 earthquake here could knock down buildings, flood coastal areas... and improve the roads.

  Bill Maher

  Earthquakes, Building, Scientist

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• I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.

  Bill Maher

  Thinking, Ideas, People

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• Life is about making tough choices. Sometimes you have to go where your career is going.

  Bill Maher

  Careers, Choices, Tough

  Source: articles.latimes.com

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• The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'

  Bill Maher

  Country, President, Hobbies

  7 Copy quote

• When the tabloids photograph me when I'm out, I always say: "You know what, folks? I'm not married and I'm not gay. You caught me with a hot chick. You got me. Take me to hot-chick jail. Did it again. Guilty."

  Bill Maher

  Gay, Jail, Hot

  Interview with David Steinberg, www.interviewmagazine.com. November 30, 2008.

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• What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a silver platter.

  Bill Maher

  Brother, Silver Platter, Florida

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• You talk about 'Obama is going to herd us into FEMA brainwashing camps.' Maybe your brain needs a little washing.

  Bill Maher

  Brain, Needs, Littles

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• Many people can't deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.

  Bill Maher

  Two, Tv Shows, People

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• My father was a news guy, you know, he was in radio news. And so that was sort of in my DNA. It was something we talked about at the dinner table when I was a kid.

  Bill Maher

  Father, Kids, Radio News

  "Comedian Bill Maher Plays Not My Job". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. December 16, 2011.

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• That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight champion of my life.” Which may explain why on the ride home, he was strapped to the roof of the car.

  Bill Maher

  Home, Wife, Car

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• Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead.

  Bill Maher

  Monday, Morning, Blonde

  8 Copy quote

• We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do the Republicans stop calling it 'Obama's economy'?

  Bill Maher

  Jobs, Years, Calling

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• Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in that, I'm just saying he was born on a Mormon compound. I'm not a 'Wifer' but for some reason he's never shown his original marriage certificate.

  Bill Maher

  Believe, Wife, Just Saying

  "Bill Maher Mocks Birthers With Mitt Romney ‘Wifer’ Controversy". www.huffingtonpost.com. May 26, 2012.

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• Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled 12-year-old. I have enough trouble with Sarah Palin.

  Bill Maher

  Home, Years, Looks

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• Democrats are lame. The media is lame. And Donald Trump hasn't even played his war card yet. You know, he could start a war and get a lot of support there.

  Bill Maher

  War, Support, Democrat

  Source: www.realclearpolitics.com

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• You're not a patriot unless even when you lose, it's still your country.

  Bill Maher

  Country, Patriot, Stills

  9 Copy quote

• Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away.

  Bill Maher

  Jobs, Government, White

  5 Copy quote

• They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard.

  Bill Maher

  Texas, Years, Iraq

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• Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.

  Bill Maher

  Fire, Community, Listening

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• We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called 'trickle down.' That actually meant they were pissing on you. How the whole theory goes was this: 'We have all the money. If we drop some, it's yours. Go for it.'

  Bill Maher

  Economic, Program, Theory

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• You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...

  Bill Maher

  Lucky, World, Born

  "Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home", 2003.

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• The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their (butts) with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay.

  Bill Maher

  Wall, Government, Ebay

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• Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?

  Bill Maher

  Ideas, People, Trying

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