There are, I think, three countries left in the world where I can go and I'm not as well-known as I am here. I'm a pretty big star, folks - I don't have to tell you. Superstar, I guess you could say.
I've sold too many books to get good reviews anymore. There's a lot of jealousy, because [reviewers] think they can write a good novel or a best-seller and get frustrated when they can't. I've learned to despise them.
I've had diseases that lasted longer than my marriages.
The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life.
People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, "Just joking."
Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least it's not an awful body count - it's a fun body count.
I'll be dead by the time I'm forty.
It's a drag having to wear socks during matches, because the tan, like, stops at the ankles. I can never get my skin, like, color coordinated.
Sometimes I feel like an old hooker.
They shoulda called me Little Cocaine, I was sniffing so much of the stuff! My nose got big enough to back a diesel truck in, unload it, and drive it right out again.
With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!
If I could live my life over again, there is one thing I would change. I would want to be able to eat less.
When I die, my epitaph should read: She Paid the Bills. That's the story of my private life.
If I had any decency, I'd be dead. Most of my friends are.
We're an ideal political family, as accessible as Disneyland.
It really bothers me when I see people doing my mother in drag. I mean, just imagine if you saw people doing that with your mother.
So many complaints boil down to the belly ache of the fragile, mortal, ignored ego in a vast and indifferent universe.
A master was once unmoved by the complaints of his disciples that, though they listened with pleasure to his parables and stories, they were also frustrated for they longed for something deeper. To all their objections he would simply reply: 'You have yet to understand, my friends, that the shortest distance between a human being and truth is a story.'
The spirit of complaint is born out of an unwillingness to trust God with today. Like the Israelites, it means you are spending your time looking back toward Egypt or wishing for the future all the while missing what God is doing right now.
I think that it's extraordinarily important that we in computer science keep fun in computing. When it started out, it was an awful lot of fun. Of course, the paying customers got shafted every now and then, and after a while we began to take their complaints seriously. We began to feel as if we really were responsible for the successful, error-free perfect use of these machines. I don't think we are. I think we're responsible for stretching them, setting them off in new directions, and keeping fun in the house. I hope the field of computer science never loses its sense of fun.
Lord, it is my chief complaint, That my love is weak and faint; Yet I love thee and adore, Oh for grace to love thee more!
'Well,' said Red Jacket [to someone complaining that he had not enough time], 'I suppose you have all there is.'
The cruelest thing anyone can do to Portnoy's Complaint is to read it twice.
Gratitude is the law of increase, and complaint is the law of decrease.
We always have the potential to rise. Rise out of our slump. Rise out of our negative thoughts. Rise out of our comfort zone. Rise out of our complaints. GET UP AND RISE. Rising is a choice that's one powerful thought away.
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