Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes

• A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

  Enid Bagnold

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Baby

  52 Copy quote

• For rarely are sons similar to their fathers: most are worse, and a few are better than their fathers.

  Homer

  Fathers Day, Dad, Son

  9 Copy quote

• When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father. He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, "She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge."

  Helen Hayes

  Beautiful, Daughter, Fathers Day

  8 Copy quote

• If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

  Michael Showalter

  Mom, Fathers Day, Dad

  11 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, my father told me every day, 'You're the most wonderful boy in the world, and you can do anything you want to.'

  Jan Hutchins

  Fathers Day, Dad, Kids

  11 Copy quote

• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  52 Copy quote

  Show source

• Scratch any father, you find / Someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, / Believing change is a threat.

  Phyllis McGinley

  Father, Believe, Qualms About

  Phyllis McGinley (1968). “Wonders and surprises: a collection of poems”, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

  Gloria Naylor

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

  Gloria Naylor (2017). “Mama Day: A Novel”, p.185, Open Road Media

  31 Copy quote

  Show source

• Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

  David Letterman

  Father, Alcohol, Tools

  6 Copy quote

• When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry.

  William Shakespeare

  Fathers Day, Dad, Son

  44 Copy quote

• Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

  Jimmy Piersall

  Inspirational, Baseball, Fathers Day

  20 Copy quote

• The thing to remember about fathers is, they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock - full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat - like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle I took such months to get.

  Phyllis McGinley

  Girl, Daughter, Father

  Phyllis McGinley (1968). “Wonders and surprises: a collection of poems”, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Happy, Fathers Day, Dad

  "R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield", www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

  20 Copy quote

  Show source

• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  91 Copy quote

• If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.

  James A. Baldwin

  Fathers Day, Son, Earth

  84 Copy quote

• My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dad, Father

  49 Copy quote

• A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.

  Marlene Dietrich

  Fathers Day, Kings, Dad

  Marlene Dietrich (2012). “Marlene Dietrich's ABC: Wit, Wisdom, & Recipes”, p.45, Open Road Media

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father.

  Lydia M. Child

  Family, Fathers Day, Children

  26 Copy quote

• You can do anything you want to do.

  Estelle Getty

  Father Son, Want, Zombieland

  48 Copy quote

• The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Mom, Fathers Day

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

  27 Copy quote

  Show source

• Choose a career you love and you will never have to go to work.

  Denis Waitley

  Fathers Day, Work, Careers

  39 Copy quote

• As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Inspirational, Funny, Fathers Day

  Lord Chesterfield, David Roberts (2008). “Lord Chesterfield's Letters”, p.239, Oxford University Press

  94 Copy quote

  Show source

• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  46 Copy quote

• To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  8 Copy quote

  Show source