Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes

• To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  66 Copy quote
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  My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, 'You're tearing up the grass'; 'We're not raising grass,' Dad would reply. 'We're raising boys.'

  Harmon Killebrew

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

  Clarence Budington Kelland

  Life, Fathers Day, Children

  76 Copy quote

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.108, Doubleday

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  My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

  Jim Valvano

  Inspirational, Basketball, Daughter

  149 Copy quote

• I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

  Sigmund Freud

  Daughter, Fathers Day, Strong

  Sigmund Freud, James Strachey, Anna Freud, Carrie Lee Rothgeb (1961). “The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud”

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• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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• It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.

  Friedrich Schiller

  Family, Thank You, Fathers Day

  34 Copy quote

• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  28 Copy quote

• The greatest gift I ever had
  Came from God; I call him Dad!

  John Walter Bratton

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  41 Copy quote

• The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

  Timothy J. Russert

  Family, Fathers Day, Dad

  18 Copy quote

• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Song, Children

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

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• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  45 Copy quote

• One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

  George Herbert

  Relationship, Daughter, Fathers Day

  George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.168

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• It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.

  Pope John XXIII

  Fathers Day, Children, Dad

  90 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

  Jerry Lewis

  Fathers Day, Zoos, Dad

  162 Copy quote

• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

  Steve Martin

  Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

  37 Copy quote

• It is a wise father that knows his own child.

  William Shakespeare

  Family, Wise, Meaningful

  'The Merchant of Venice' (1596-8) act 2, sc. 2, l. [83]

  103 Copy quote

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• It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

  65 Copy quote

• To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.

  Euripides

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

  48 Copy quote

• A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

  Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  Fathers Day, Dad, Men

  FaceBook post by Gabriel García Márquez from Jun 15, 2014

  36 Copy quote

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• Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

  Confucius

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  154 Copy quote

• My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Fathers Day, Humor

  FaceBook post by Jeff Foxworthy from Jun 25, 2012

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• The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

  Confucius

  Fathers Day, Dad, Children

  37 Copy quote