Funny Harry Potter Quotes

• Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies?

  J. K. Rowling

  Butterfly, Spiders, Harry Potter Movie

  3 Copy quote

• Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor. Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

  J. K. Rowling

  Humor, Good Day, Hair

  6 Copy quote

• Because that's what Hermione does,' said Ron, shrugging. 'When in doubt, go to the library.

  J. K. Rowling

  Doubt, Library, Doe

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Why were you lurking under our window?" "Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?" "Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage. "Listening to the news! Again?" "Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Aunt, Boys

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.13, Pottermore

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Trying, Woods

  44 Copy quote

• Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-" "Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled. "That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you-

  J. K. Rowling

  Boys, Hands, Way

  "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 8, 1999.

  48 Copy quote

  Show source

• Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides. 'So — after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating —' 'Jordan!' growled Professor McGonagall. 'I mean after that open and revolting foul —' 'Jordan, I'm warning you —' 'All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure, so a penalty to Gryffindor, taken by Spinnet, who puts it away, no trouble, and we continue play, Gryffindor still in possession.

  J. K. Rowling

  Cheating, Taken, Mean

  15 Copy quote

• Oh, that,' said Ginny, giggling. 'Well-Percy's got a girlfriend.' Fred dropped a stack of books on George's head. 'What?' 'It's that Ravenclaw prefect, Penelope Clearwater,' said Ginny. 'That's who he was writing to all last summer. He's been meeting her all over the school in secret. I walked in on them kissing in an empty classroom one day. He was so upset when she was-you know-attacked. You won't tease him, will you?' she added anxiously. 'Wouldn't dream of it,' said Fred, who was looking like his birthday had come early.

  J. K. Rowling

  Summer, Dream, Girlfriend

  3 Copy quote

• This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this.

  J. K. Rowling

  Dark, Night

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.20, Pottermore

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• Who's Kreacher?" "The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him." "He is not a nutter," said Hermione. "His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother", said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?

  J. K. Rowling

  Mother, Ambition, Cutting

  4 Copy quote

• How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?

  J. K. Rowling

  Brother, Humor, Eye

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, p.70, Pottermore

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?" "Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Crazy, Aunt

  4 Copy quote

• What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows.

  J. K. Rowling

  School, Secret, Dungeons

  "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". Book by J. K. Rowling, June 26, 1997.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.

  J. K. Rowling

  Eye, Simple, Ideas

  4 Copy quote

• Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred. "Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?" "Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?" "I forge’ the details," Hagrid chortled.

  J. K. Rowling

  Wine, Glasses, Pigs

  4 Copy quote

• Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days." "Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred. "That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!" "It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Dragons, Would Be

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, p.62, Pottermore

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.

  J. K. Rowling

  Blunt, Sensitivity, Shows

  2 Copy quote

• Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

  J. K. Rowling

  Funny, Boys, Wizards

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.49, Pottermore

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding. "The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him. "Why?" said Percy curiously. "It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-" "-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.

  J. K. Rowling

  Family, Kings, Dad

  58 Copy quote

• Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.

  J. K. Rowling

  Troll, Speak, Grunt

  14 Copy quote

• We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!

  J. K. Rowling

  Fun, Gone, Potters

  5 Copy quote

• You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.

  J. K. Rowling

  Stupid, Humor, Thinking

  43 Copy quote

• What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?

  J. K. Rowling

  Doors, Next, Neighbor

  "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". Book by J. K. Rowling, June 21, 2003.

  53 Copy quote

  Show source

• I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.

  J. K. Rowling

  Singing, Showers, Weasley

  54 Copy quote

• Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.

  J. K. Rowling

  Mean, Emotional, Inspirational Harry Potter

  7 Copy quote