Funny Harry Potter Quotes

• Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies?

  J. K. Rowling

  Butterfly, Spiders, Harry Potter Movie

  16 Copy quote

• Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor. Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

  J. K. Rowling

  Humor, Good Day, Hair

  16 Copy quote

• Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.

  J. K. Rowling

  Troll, Speak, Grunt

  31 Copy quote

• Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.

  J. K. Rowling

  Mean, Emotional, Inspirational Harry Potter

  16 Copy quote

• Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Trying, Woods

  63 Copy quote

• Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.

  J. K. Rowling

  Stupid, Draco Malfoy, Honestly

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  77 Copy quote

  Show source

• I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.

  J. K. Rowling

  Singing, Showers, Weasley

  73 Copy quote

• You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.

  J. K. Rowling

  Stupid, Humor, Thinking

  65 Copy quote

• Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?

  J. K. Rowling

  Mother, Honestly, George Weasley

  66 Copy quote

• Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?

  J. K. Rowling

  Soul, Departed, Excuse

  "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". Book by J. K. Rowling, 2005.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

  J. K. Rowling

  Running, Humor, Shampoo

  "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 21, 2007.

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.

  J. K. Rowling

  Blunt, Sensitivity, Shows

  6 Copy quote

• What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, Ron,” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.

  J. K. Rowling

  Voice, Gone, Ends

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, p.45, Pottermore

  62 Copy quote

  Show source

• Oh, that,' said Ginny, giggling. 'Well-Percy's got a girlfriend.' Fred dropped a stack of books on George's head. 'What?' 'It's that Ravenclaw prefect, Penelope Clearwater,' said Ginny. 'That's who he was writing to all last summer. He's been meeting her all over the school in secret. I walked in on them kissing in an empty classroom one day. He was so upset when she was-you know-attacked. You won't tease him, will you?' she added anxiously. 'Wouldn't dream of it,' said Fred, who was looking like his birthday had come early.

  J. K. Rowling

  Summer, Dream, Girlfriend

  9 Copy quote

• We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!

  J. K. Rowling

  Fun, Gone, Potters

  14 Copy quote

• What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows.

  J. K. Rowling

  School, Secret, Dungeons

  "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". Book by J. K. Rowling, June 26, 1997.

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?" "Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Crazy, Aunt

  9 Copy quote

• Because that's what Hermione does,' said Ron, shrugging. 'When in doubt, go to the library.

  J. K. Rowling

  Doubt, Library, Doe

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this.

  J. K. Rowling

  Dark, Night

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.20, Pottermore

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-" "Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled. "That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you-

  J. K. Rowling

  Boys, Hands, Way

  "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 8, 1999.

  63 Copy quote

  Show source

• I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up - it always does in the end.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Waiting, Doe

  8 Copy quote

• How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?

  J. K. Rowling

  Brother, Humor, Eye

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, p.70, Pottermore

  22 Copy quote

  Show source

• Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

  J. K. Rowling

  Funny, Boys, Wizards

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.49, Pottermore

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

  J. K. Rowling

  Tree

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding. "The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him. "Why?" said Percy curiously. "It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-" "-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.

  J. K. Rowling

  Family, Kings, Dad

  68 Copy quote