May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
the object of a new year is not that we should have a new year, but rather that we should have a new soul.
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'.
I would say happy new year, but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.
The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that.
or simply:
