When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to.
When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.