This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.
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