This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends