This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.
He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
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