This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.
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