It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success.
Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.
I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.
Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.
It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.
I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.
The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.
I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.
I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.
I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.
The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.
That's the trouble with Nick. The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.
If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?
I hunt feral hogs. I try not to shoot creatures. That doesn't do anything for me. But big, nasty, smelly, bristly things with tusks that destroy everything that they touch. Yeah, I'll shoot them.
Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad
ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.
I have got to do something that makes me focus on one thing, and so I will sit and listen to music, or I will read, or I will go and make ammunition in my workshop. I have just got to keep myself busy.
Everybody knows pretty much everything about me. I emptied all the skeletons out of my closet a long time ago.
Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.
I adore dogs to the extent I think they are much more important than human beings. I like your dog much more than I like you.
I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.
Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.
The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.
Hurling looks a bit like a cross between lacrosse and second degree murder.
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