Fats Quotes - Page 18

• If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.

  Demetri Martin

  Guy, Mopeds, Behavior

  Twitter post from Mar 18, 2011

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• My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Pounds, Lost

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• My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Lasts, Saws

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• It sucks being fat, you know.

  Drew Carey

  Knows, Being Fat

  "Drew Carey Weight Loss (PICTURE): Did He Really Shed Diabetes along with Fat?". www.cbsnews.com. September 20, 2010.

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• Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

  Greg Giraldo

  Kids, Car, Bigs

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• Younger people are generally more adventurous - they're more open, more fun - have you met many guys my age? Guys my age are married or divorced or grumpy, fat and balding.

  Madonna Ciccone

  Fun, People, Guy

  Interview with Ryan Seacrest, October 2009.

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• Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.

  Ray Romano

  Success, Writing, Middle

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• I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.

  Louie Anderson

  Eight, California, People

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• The people know more about [Jazz] in other countries than in America. America is the last country to know about anything, because we're too fat, we have too much of everything, you understand? And we do not listen.

  Art Blakey

  Country, America, People

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• The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.

  Craig Ferguson

  Valentine, Heart, Doctors

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• A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

  Craig Ferguson

  Baby, Germany, Firsts

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• You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.

  Chelsea Handler

  Giving, Looks

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• If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him. I know that in every fat person, there's a skinny person inside, but you could have all the season's contestants of America's Next Top Model in you. I hope I get reincarnated as your feet. That way, you'd never see my face again... Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have insulted you. Because in my country, cows are sacred.

  George Lopez

  Country, Sorry, Feet

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• It was so ridiculous. We were just sitting there, thinking about how ridiculous it was because we literally had stray hairs on us. The camera couldn't pick up all the details, but we had some crazy things. We had huge slabs of fat on us and bits of nails and hair. It was disgusting. But, there's also the beautiful parts of it.

  Steven Yeun

  Beautiful, Crazy, Thinking

  Source: collider.com

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• I do think sometimes when scrolling through the TV and there's something on and I look at it and I think oh, my god. I thought I was fat? What is my problem?

  Meryl Streep

  Thinking, Looks, Tvs

  Source: www.npr.org

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• When I was younger I spent way too much time thinking about me being too fat. So stupid.

  Meryl Streep

  Stupid, Thinking, Too Much

  Source: www.npr.org

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• Sometimes you feel amazing about life and other times you just feel fat and depressed, so I think it's good to be honest about that and to make light of it, I think humour is important, nobody's perfect.

  Marina and the Diamonds

  Thinking, Light, Perfect

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• The career I chose was a drama major in college, at Yale, when I played a 90-year-old woman. One of my most celebrated roles. Then I played a really fat person. I played a lot of different things. That's how I thought I loved to wrangle my talent, my need to express myself. I like to do it that way.

  Meryl Streep

  Drama, College, Yale

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

  Jay Mohr

  Glasses, People, Missing

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• I was never obese, but I felt 'less than' because I wasn't as thin as other actresses. I totally fell for that low-fat craze. My goal was to be X jeans size or a specific number on the scale.

  Alison Sweeney

  Jeans, Numbers, Goal

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• The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

  Doug Stanhope

  Kids, Wrestling, Math

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• Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top - nine degrees, he's sweatin'. Look at 'Titanic,' remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog.

  Greg Fitzsimmons

  Water, Guy, Tanks

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• Losing builds character. So, if you're the loser in your family, don't worry. 'Cos twenty years form now, that perfect can do no wrong brother of yours is going to show up at your house, bald, fat, divorced, with six kids who all hate him and he's going to ask you for money. And because of your character, you're going to look him right in the eyes and you're going to say, You know what, I'll give you some money. If you mow my lawn and detail my car. Oh yeah, then you can shampoo the tail. Loser.

  Christopher Titus

  Brother, Hate, Character

  "Titus / Shannon's Song". www.imdb.com. 2001.

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• So my doctor told me to watch what I'm eating - to read food labels. I'm in the store reading the Fig Newtons label: I've always liked Fig Newtons. I'm reading the label to make sure everything's fine: fat content. I looked at the serving size; two cookies. Who eats two cookies? I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve: two sleeves is a serving size. I open them both and eat them like a tree chipper; Fig Newton shavings coming off the side.

  Brian Regan

  Reading, Doctors, Two

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• I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!

  Gabriel Iglesias

  Fluffy

  "Gabriel Iglesias: I'm Not Fat... I'm Fluffy". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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