Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Mom, Morning, Growing Up

  "Jeff Foxworthy. A comedian gets serious about reading". BookPage interview, bookpage.com. October 2010.

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• The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Voice, Quality, Roosters

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• By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Humor, Church

  "Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed", www.imdb.com. 1998.

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• You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Might, Hours

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• You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Water, Honor

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• You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Grandmother, Redneck, Games

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• How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado?
  You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Divorce, Redneck, Tornadoes

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• If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Cute, Baby, Block

  "Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road". TV Special, www.imdb.com. 2006.

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• You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Thinking, Silence

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• [about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  "Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed". www.imdb.com. 1998.

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• I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Farce, Scripts, Chance

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• You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Brother, Redneck, Deeds

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• You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  School, Redneck, Class

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• You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Shoes, Numbers

  Jeff Foxworthy (2004). “You Might Be A Redneck If ...This Is The Biggest Book You've Ever Read”, p.224, Thomas Nelson Inc

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• You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Hair, Might

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• You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Cousin, Redneck, Waiting

  Jeff Foxworthy (2004). “There's No Place Like (A Mobile) Home For The Holidays: A Redneck Christmas”, p.47, Thomas Nelson Inc

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• You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Dog, Tombstone, Redneck

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• We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Heart, Arms, Bears

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• You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Might, Rats

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• The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Crazy, Believe, Night

  "We Interviewed Jeff Foxworthy | Show at Redfest". Do512 Interview, do512.com. May, 2014.

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• Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Cancer, Kids

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• You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Dad, Redneck, Giving

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• You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Gourmet, Pork

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• You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Rope, Might

  Jeff Foxworthy (2006). “How Many Women Does It Take to Change a Redneck?”, p.5, Thomas Nelson Inc

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• If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Football, Gay, Games

  Audio CD "Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered", 2004.

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