If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet.
Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!
Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!
Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent.
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.
The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.
A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.
You make me wish that birth control was retroactive.
I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.
I ain't from Africa. I'm from St. Louis.
Certain things should be yours to have when you work your way to the top.
Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven't been out all day.
I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.
Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.
The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.
Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle.
I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.
I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.
It's some chopped liver. That's Jewish soul food.
What's an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?
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