You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.
Violence is a tool of the ignorant.
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.
What you see is what you get.
Being your own man does not mean taking advantage of anyone else.
Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.
When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.
Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.
I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.
My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.
Funny is an attitude.
My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?
Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.
With all the trouble black people have, they try to forget on weekends. You've got to be good to make them laugh.
It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV.
I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.
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