Mitch Hedberg Quotes About House

Quotes about: House

• I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Travel, Fall

  "Making Maps, Second Edition" by John Krygier, Denis Wood, The Guilford Press, (p. 58), 2011.

• I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Wall, Sleep

• I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I have an oscillating fan at my house. It goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "no." So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to! Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? LIAR! My fan lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you're not saying ANYTHING!

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Liars, Humor

• I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Vegas

• If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, House

• I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in threes. He has three apples left, I guess I can't have one. I wouldn't want to screw up his practice routine.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Practice

• I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Kids

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