A. P. Herbert Quotes

Quotes about:

• The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

  A. P. Herbert

  Funny, Life, Anniversary

  55 Copy quote

• The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity
  Are constructed with considerable care.

  A. P. Herbert

  Men, Care, Depravity

  "Lines on a Book Borrowed from the Ship's Doctor". "A. P. H.: His Life and Times". Book by A. P. Herbert, 1970.

  23 Copy quote

• If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

  A. P. Herbert

  Life, Learning, Science

  20 Copy quote

• Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.

  A. P. Herbert

  Mother, Dog, Tonight

  She-Shanties (1926) "Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight"

  17 Copy quote

• Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of the downs, hacking at sandpits or tussocks of grass, and muttering in a blind, ungovernable fury elaborate maledictions which could not be extracted from them by robbery or murder. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.

  A. P. Herbert

  Lonely, Children, Golf

  20 Copy quote

• People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

  A. P. Herbert

  Funny, Humor, People

  Uncommon Law (1935) "Is it a Free Country?"

  13 Copy quote

• Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!

  A. P. Herbert

  Money, War, Silly

  1931 'Too Much!'.

  14 Copy quote

• The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

  A. P. Herbert

  Funny, Humor, Men

  'Uncommon Law' (1935) 'The Reasonable Man'

  12 Copy quote

• A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

  A. P. Herbert

  Thinking, Looks, Sausage

  25 Copy quote

• aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

  A. P. Herbert

  Men, Smoking, Rude

  10 Copy quote

• A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.

  A. P. Herbert

  Blessing, Unattractive, Dull

  5 Copy quote

• My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.

  A. P. Herbert

  Golf, Men, Blue

  A.P. Herbert (2014). “Mild And Bitter”, p.20, House of Stratus

  12 Copy quote

• There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.

  A. P. Herbert

  Play, Symphony, Littles

  9 Copy quote

• Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.

  A. P. Herbert

  Pain, Police, Citizens

  "Uncommon Law". Book by A. P. Herbert. Chapter "Is It a Free Country?", 1935.

  9 Copy quote

• Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.

  A. P. Herbert

  Luck

  1930 'Let's Stop Somebody from Doing Something'.

  11 Copy quote

• The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

  A. P. Herbert

  Marriage, Time, Breakfast

  Uncommon Law (1935) "Is Marriage Lawful?"

  28 Copy quote

• For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.

  A. P. Herbert

  Writing, Tonight, World

  "Laughing Ann". Book by A. P. Herbert, 1925.

  4 Copy quote

• Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.

  A. P. Herbert

  Justice, Judging, Should

  "Uncommon Law". Book by A. P. Herbert, 1935.

  7 Copy quote

• An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

  A. P. Herbert

  Humorous, Purpose, Noble

  1935 Uncommon Law,'Fox-Hunting Fun'.

  9 Copy quote

• Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.

  A. P. Herbert

  Business, Government, Giving Money

  1931 'Too Much!'.

  9 Copy quote

• Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.

  A. P. Herbert

  Golf, Men, Games

  11 Copy quote

• An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.

  A. P. Herbert

  Hope, Men, Miracle

  Uncommon Law "Act of God" (1935)

  9 Copy quote

• A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.

  A. P. Herbert

  Men, Political Opinions, Years

  "Uncommon Law". Book by A. P. Herbert, 1935.

  11 Copy quote

• As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.

  A. P. Herbert

  Goodbye, Art, Father

  Ballads for Broadbrows (1930) "Lines for a Worthy Person"

  9 Copy quote

• The rain is plentious but, by God's decree,
  Only a third is meant for you and me;
  Two-thirds are taken by the growing things
  Or vanish Heavenward on vapour's wings:
  Nor does it mathematically fall
  With social equity on one and all.
  The population's habit is to grow
  In every region where the water's low:
  Nature is blamed for failings that are Man's,
  And well-run rivers have to change their plans.

  A. P. Herbert

  Running, Rain, Fall

  6 Copy quote

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