Bill Hicks Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Jobs, Children

• I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, War, Humor

  Bill Hicks at the "Just For Laughs" Comedy Festival in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, 1990.

• Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Dream, Witty

  "Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

• Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

  Bill Hicks

  Inspirational, Funny, Eye

• We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Life, Humor

• Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Weed, Humor

• Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Drug

  Bill Hicks (2009). “Love All the People (New Edition)”, p.102, Hachette UK

• Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Dream, Revolutionary Ideas

  "Bill Hicks: Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

• I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Revolutionary Ideas

• I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Glasses

• I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Mean

• If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Block, Humor

  "Post-Sachsgate, standups should channel Bill Hicks" by Bruce Dessau, www.theguardian.com. January 30, 2010.

• I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Revolutionary Ideas

• I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Two

• I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Soul

• It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Hurt, Comedian

• Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Atheist, Sex

  "The Church of England can no longer continue as an arm of the state" by Suzanne Moore, www.theguardian.com. November 21, 2012.

• People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Night

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Revolutionary Ideas

• I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Average

• You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, War, Humor

  "Revelations". Documentary, Comedy, 1993.

• I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Blow

• The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

• Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Sorry, Humor

  Bill Hicks (2009). “Love All the People (New Edition)”, p.61, Hachette UK

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