Artie Lange Quotes

Quotes about:

• Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

  Artie Lange

  Whiskey

  47 Copy quote

• I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

  Artie Lange

  Swimming, Half, Lasts

  17 Copy quote

• Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

  Artie Lange

  Drug, Hug, Way

  15 Copy quote

• A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

  Artie Lange

  Sports, Baseball, Couple

  19 Copy quote

• Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

  Artie Lange

  Hate, Drug, Ems

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  19 Copy quote

• I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

  Artie Lange

  Running, Gun, Gambling

  16 Copy quote

• The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

  Artie Lange

  Drinking, Sometimes, Drink

  19 Copy quote

• At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota

  Artie Lange

  Kids, Gambling, Mirages

  16 Copy quote

• My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - until the first time I got high at a party. I leaned back, and I went, 'God, this is way better than when my Uncle Perry hugs me. What else has my mother been lying to me about?

  Artie Lange

  Mother, Art, Uncles

  15 Copy quote

• It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.

  Artie Lange

  Running, Drug, Problem

  4 Copy quote

• If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

  Artie Lange

  Gps, Voice, Use

  Twitter post from Nov 17, 2012

  19 Copy quote

• I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

  Artie Lange

  Gay, Kissing, Thinking

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

  Artie Lange

  Sad, Mean, Vegas

  20 Copy quote

• I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

  Artie Lange

  Apologizing, Jokes, Ifs

  Interview With Steve Heisler, tv.avclub.com. January 7, 2010.

  12 Copy quote

• For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

  Artie Lange

  Memories, Kids, Vegas

  11 Copy quote

• The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.

  Artie Lange

  Kids, Reason, Heroin

  10 Copy quote

• Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

  Artie Lange

  Voting

  4 Copy quote

• I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

  Artie Lange

  Missing, Resilient, Right Now

  9 Copy quote

• If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

  Artie Lange

  Two, Black, Months

  5 Copy quote

• When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.

  Artie Lange

  Crazy, Character, Voice

  Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza (2008). “Too Fat to Fish”, p.147, Spiegel & Grau

  11 Copy quote

• I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.

  Artie Lange

  Christian, Fighting, Toby

  8 Copy quote

• But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.

  Artie Lange

  Careers, People, Interesting

  7 Copy quote

• A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

  Artie Lange

  Christian, Drinking, Weekend

  8 Copy quote

• When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

  Artie Lange

  Careers, Political, Clay

  Interview with Steve Heisler, www.avclub.com. January 7, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

  Artie Lange

  Kids, Heroin, Accidents

  9 Copy quote

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