Felipe Esparza Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

  Felipe Esparza

  Brother, Might, Fats

  6 Copy quote

• I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

  Felipe Esparza

  Home, Giving, Mexican

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

  Felipe Esparza

  People, Bully, Use

  4 Copy quote

• We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

  Felipe Esparza

  America, Weapons, Cocaine

  22 Copy quote

• Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

  Felipe Esparza

  Airplane, Cougars, Jokes

  4 Copy quote

• I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

  Felipe Esparza

  Hate, Comedian, Use

  6 Copy quote

• I was born in Sinaloa, Mexico, along with two of my siblings. The rest were born here in the United States. I didn't know we were illegal until I was in the 8th grade. We would call other kids wetbacks, but we were the real wetbacks!

  Felipe Esparza

  Sibling, Real, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

  Felipe Esparza

  Baby, Mama, Three

  4 Copy quote

• While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

  Felipe Esparza

  Dad, Tricks, Treats

  5 Copy quote

• You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.

  Felipe Esparza

  Getting Older, Want, Your Haters

  5 Copy quote

• Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

  Felipe Esparza

  Writing, Heckling, Comedy

  7 Copy quote

• You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

  Felipe Esparza

  Home, Writing, Next Day

  12 Copy quote

• According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

  Felipe Esparza

  Children, Support, Hip Hop

  4 Copy quote

• I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

  Felipe Esparza

  Dad, Son, May

  4 Copy quote

• Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

  Felipe Esparza

  Coffee, Smell, America

  4 Copy quote

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