Annie Hall Quotes

• I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.

  Woody Allen

  Relationship, Moving, Thinking

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

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• Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving on the road at night I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

  Christopher Walken

  Artist, Night, Thinking

  "Fictional character: Duane". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Brother, Crazy

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• Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

  Woody Allen

  Spiders, Honey, Size

  "Annie Hall". www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.

  Woody Allen

  Clubs, Members, Like Me

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.

  Woody Allen

  Ideas, Brilliant, Prove

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

  Woody Allen

  Romantic, Love Is, Two

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

  Woody Allen

  Moving, Cities, Light

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

  Woody Allen

  Busy, Cossacks, Grammy

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Humorous, Teach

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life

  Woody Allen

  Art, Real, Always Trying

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

  Woody Allen

  Loneliness, Boys, Elderly

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

  Woody Allen

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

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• I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman. This joke appeared in a monologue recorded live in August 1968 and released on The Third Woody Allen Album.

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• I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

  Woody Allen

  Magazines, Heard, Dissent

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Life And Love, Humorous

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

  Woody Allen

  Guy, Evening, Enjoy

  "Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Take the money and run.

  Woody Allen

  Running, Chapel, Ponzi Scheme

  Woody Allen, Robert E. Kapsis, Kathie Coblentz (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”, p.75, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Witty

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• I don't know how much longer I can complain.

  Homer

  Complaining, Drawn Together, Knows

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• Know what you are talking about.

  Pope John Paul II

  Knowledge, Knowing Jesus, Talking

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• Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

  Woody Allen

  Mistake, Taught, Harvard

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

  Woody Allen

  Cute, Witty, Humorous

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

  Woody Allen

  Country, New York, Thinking

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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