Bossypants Quotes

• Whatever the problem - be part of the solution

  Tina Fey

  Problem, Solutions

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.53, Hachette UK

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

  Tina Fey

  Girl, Sarcastic, Athlete

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  56 Copy quote

  Show source

• This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. You're up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara. Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Careers, People

  6 Copy quote

• I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Stress, Mean

  5 Copy quote

• Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.

  Tina Fey

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

  Tina Fey

  Strong Women, Witty, Funny Inspirational

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

  Tina Fey

  Business, Competition, Another Woman

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 05, 2011.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

  Tina Fey

  Women, Home, Mean

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.162, Hachette UK

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Bridges, Troll

  "Tina Fey: 'Ugly, pear-shaped and bitchy? I prefer offbeat, business class-assed and exhausted'" by Tina Fey, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2011.

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.

  Tina Fey

  Struggle, Athlete, Kim

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.18, Hachette UK

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Anxiety, Acne

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.89, Hachette UK

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Class, Voice

  7 Copy quote

• It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Perfect, Tvs

  4 Copy quote

• Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

  Tina Fey

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.25, Hachette UK

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Gay, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so... I ignored it for a few hours.

  Tina Fey

  Blue, Tests, Pads

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 5, 2011.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.

  Tina Fey

  Dream, Witty, Jobs

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

  Tina Fey

  Reflection, People, Abortion

  15 Copy quote

• It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Moving, Writing

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, October 13, 2011.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Baby, Mean

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.149, Hachette UK

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

  Tina Fey

  Overthinking, Games, Let It Go

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.75, Hachette UK

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

  Tina Fey

  Girl, White, Diversity

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.65, Hachette UK

  3 Copy quote

  Show source

• Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Crazy, Makeup

  38 Copy quote

• there was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both.

  Tina Fey

  Fall, Mean, Here I Am

  "She's the Boss: Tina Fey on Sarah Palin, Sexism, and More" by Sheila Marikar, abcnews.go.com. April 5, 2011.

  3 Copy quote

  Show source

• Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea; A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my "plan" was for taking down the Christmas tree.

  Tina Fey

  Baby, Husband, Book

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source