Fart Quotes - Page 4

• The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.

  Niall Horan

  Girl, Worst, Worst Things

  27 Copy quote

• Everybody has opinions: I have them, you have them. And we are all told from the moment we open our eyes, that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Well, that's horsepuckey, of course. We are not entitled to our opinions; we are entitled to our informed opinions. Without research, without background, without understanding, it's nothing. It's just bibble-babble. It's like a fart in a wind tunnel, folks.

  Harlan Ellison

  Eye, Tunnels, Wind

  Commentary on Sci-Fi Channel's "Sci-Fi Buzz", harlanellison.com.

  77 Copy quote

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• As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

  Britney Spears

  Funny, Vacuums, Cleaners

  25 Copy quote

• I say what I think. I'm a real person, not some manufactured pop tart who's afraid to step out of the hotel room. I am flawed. I swear, I have the occasional cocktail, I pick my nose and I fart. I'm not running for any presidential campaign at the moment. I'm a sassy girl.

  Katy Perry

  Girl, Running, Real

  11 Copy quote

• I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.

  Britney Spears

  7 Copy quote

• I have a playlist of farts on my phone.

  Lena Headey

  Phones, Playlists

  Twitter post from Apr 27, 2014

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• The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

  Andy Samberg

  Jokes

  Source: www.glamour.com

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• Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.

  Peter Kreeft

  Dog, Serious

  47 Copy quote

• Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiess.

  Gwyneth Paltrow

  Mom, Husband, Real

  6 Copy quote

• Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

  Mark Hoppus

  Poop, Stills

  36 Copy quote

• Most people enjoy the sight of their own handwriting as they enjoy the smell of their own farts.

  W. H. Auden

  Sight, Smell, People

  23 Copy quote

• You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

  Gary Busey

  Sharks, Water, Dangerous

  14 Copy quote

• I always thought if you really want to be a good actor, you've got to be able to fart in public. That, to me, is the most important. If you are so inhibited that you can't fart, I don't mean around your friends, I mean just a fart, out loud somewhere. I don't mean the 'silent creeper', everybody does that. I mean fart out loud! Just that you can do it and not be afraid of it. Humility is very important.

  Timothy Carey

  Mean, Humility, Important

  6 Copy quote

• I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.

  John Entwistle

  Heavy Metal, Metals, Bits

  24 Copy quote

• If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

  Dana Gould

  Laughing, Car, Littles

  4 Copy quote

• I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

  Tyler Posey

  Poop, Filters, Helping

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• ...And nostalgia is a cancer. Nostalgia will fill your heart up with tumors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what you are. You're just an old fart dying of terminal nostalgia.

  Sherman Alexie

  Cancer, Heart, Dying

  Sherman Alexie (2012). “Blasphemy: New and Selected Stories”, p.116, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.

  Robert Bly

  Men, Needs, Divine

  Robert Bly (2004). “Iron John: A Book about Men”, p.137, Da Capo Press

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• I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

  Tina Fey

  People, Fans, Rooms

  "Tina Fey, Make Us Laugh". Interview with A. J. Jacobs, www.esquire.com. May 1, 2008.

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• There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.

  Robert Plant

  Facts, Bunch, Jaded

  "Robert Plant Opens Up About Led Zeppelin Reunion, Failed Follow-Up With Alison Krauss". Interview with Stephen Rodrick, www.rollingstone.com. January 06, 2011.

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• A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

  Jenny Eclair

  Laughter, Beats, Jokes

  4 Copy quote

• Isn’t he gorgeous?” With those rolls, the wet-sounding grunts, bulbous wiggly tail, and smashed face—not to mention the fart the dog let out once he situated himself—he was gorgeous in a way that only a parent could appreciate.

  Jeaniene Frost

  Dog, Appreciate, Parent

  4 Copy quote

• I once lay in a white hospital for the dying and the dying self, where some god pissed a rain of reason to make things grow only to die, where on my knees I prayed for LIGHT, I prayed for l*i*g*h*t, and praying crawled like a blind slug into the web where threads of wind stuck against my mind and I died of pity for Man, for myself, on a cross without nails, watching in fear as the pig belches in his sty, farts, blinks and eats.

  Charles Bukowski

  Rain, Men, Wind

  11 Copy quote

• I don't really know. I think the first test is when you're very little and you fart, and you laugh at it and so do your friends and family. I knew before I was funny I was very annoying so I have that covered. I think it was because I was not very good in school I used humor as a defense mechanism. When I started doing plays and stuff at school I decided that I was going to keep doing it until someone tells me to stop and get a real job.

  Joel McHale

  Jobs, Real, School

  "Tribute talks to Spy Kids star Joel McHale". Interview with Alexandra Heilbron, www.tribute.ca. August 8, 2011.

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• [To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart.

  Elizabeth I

  Queens, Self, Oxford

  29 Copy quote